Heroes

Andy ducked below the microphone stand; a penny had appeared out of the gloom in front of the stage. It whistled past his ear before it fell to the floor. Then that he noticed the dent in the wooden tiles below his feet, a reminder of last weekend’s performance. He remembered the panic that had seized him when he realized that that bottle couldn’t be avoided, his relief when that bottle bounced off his chest and landed on the floor with a hollow thud. He needed a drink.

Why do I do it? He thought, the crowd are never happy to listen. The band are going nowhere, playing in the same places over and over again. There are no signs it’ll get better either.

They were headlining at least, but in a dive that served cheap, watered down beer to a clientele that didn’t care that the beer was watered down, only that it was cheap. Andy weaved his way to the bar, past stools with ripped cushions and the sticky tables they were clustered around. Tables were littered with the glasses of belligerent and barely awake drunks. Amid all that dullness and drudgery, the stage was a brilliant beacon, and Andy remembered why he endured his mediocre band mates.

Andy leaned his elbows on the countertop as he asked for a triple whiskey, no ice.

Then he heard a laugh. ‘That’s a drink for someone who has no interest in being sober.’ The dim lights were perfect for anyone wanting to hide their shame, but it also meant that Andy couldn’t get a clear image of the stranger. The woman was seated at the counter, on the stool closest to the door. Her hair seemed mainly grey, with a few blonde streaks to hint at the colour it was once. She was tanned and had skin wrinkled by the sun. She seemed familiar to Andy, a long-forgotten reminder of years past. He struggled to remember where he had seen her before. People were beginning to filter out but the woman showed no sign that was her intention. She ordered another drink just as Andy’s glass was placed in front of him.

‘This is what I always order after a bad gig,’ he replied. ‘I’ve been drinking a lot of them recently.’

‘The audience in a place like this will heckle any performance they see after 10pm,’ replied the woman, ‘you should be playing in places where people know the name of the band they’re listening to.’ Her voice was strong and confident, although the cracked, veiny hands that gripped her glass suggested she might be older than she first appeared.

‘And what about you?’ Asked Andy, ‘you didn’t come here just to get drunk, did you?’

‘Well, I am more drunk than I look. And I’m new in town and needed a drink. But I thought your band was good, from what I could hear over the boos and hisses.’

Andy lifted his glass and toasted the stranger. ‘Thanks, I hope you weren’t only person we got through to tonight, but I think you might have been.’

‘Your band are okay,’ said the stranger, ‘for people playing to an audience who don’t want to hear anything they might remember in the morning. But your voice is remarkable, it’s unfortunate you don’t play the guitar as well.’

‘Well, I do play some; I’m almost as good as our lead guitarist. I could play guitar, but I decided to concentrate on vocals.’

‘That’s a good idea for someone in an up-and-coming band. And do you play original songs as well?’

‘You must’ve heard a few covers tonight, but I prefer to perform my own material.’

‘Of course you do,’ the stranger put on her glass and was silent for a moment. ‘Do you want some advice?’ She asked, ‘it won’t cost you anything.’

As she began to talk, Andy moved to the stool beside hers.

‘I’m Emma Castleford, perhaps you’ve heard of me?’

Andy released a satisfied sigh, ‘Of course! I knew you seemed familiar and, now that you said it, I can’t believe I didn’t recognise you sooner. You used to play with your sister; I still have your poster on my wall.’

‘That’s right! We were a folk duo called Lamplight. Rachel was usually the singer; I played a few different instruments. But that was in the 90s, how come you’ve heard of us?’

‘My older brother was a big fan. I listened to all your music through him, and I really liked it too; you were the reason I got into music. You showed me that even someone from a small town people never hear of can make it big. What happened? For a while you it looked like you had it made.’

Emma produced a thin smile, ‘we had a lot of success early. But it was too much for Rachel in the end, she threw herself off a cliff not far from here.’

‘I’m sorry, forget I said anything.’

‘It’s fine, I’m happy to talk about her now. Anyway, as I’m sure you can imagine I didn’t want to play any music for a long time after that. But now I’m happy teaching music, giving people a chance to polish the skills that might help them fulfil their dreams. I think the others in your band just want to play. In the long term you leaving would be better for them, they just don’t have the star quality you do.’

‘I’m glad you said that. I’m ready to leave, but my guitar playing needs work.’

‘You probably just need confidence. I’m teacher, after a few lessons with me, you’ll see you’re good enough.’

‘Lessons? I can’t afford that right now.’

‘You wouldn’t need to pay me straight away. I’m new to the area, just get me some pupils from your musician friends and I can wait for your money.’

‘Well, give me your card then!’

They stumbled out the fire exit at closing time to avoid any unhappy customers, taking the long route to dodge unwanted attention.

 ‘At least there is no-one waiting at the side for the band,’ joked Andy. ‘We’ll have no reminders of this performance.’

Emma playfully nudged him in the ribs, ‘do you see? Making good decisions always has a way of making things seem brighter; you must leave the band. That is the first step to the future away from here you’ve always wanted. Speaking of which, did you say your house is close?’

‘My parent’s house; just staying there until my music career takes off.’

‘Have you been there long?’

‘Going on 26 years! It’s the only house I’ve ever known.’

‘Time for a change?’

‘You said it.’

‘I have contacts in the city that’ll get you an apartment, to help you move on from the band.’

‘That would be great. My parent’s place is a mile or so out of town.’

‘Near the caravan park?’ Said Emma, ‘that’s where I’m staying until I get a few local clients. I like to move around, and caravans encourage me to travel light.’

‘I thought rockstars had big houses and an entourage.’

‘I did, until agents took all my money. Like I said, we were young when we got famous. I can tell you all about it if you accompany me to a gathering I’ve been invited to. I’d be much more relaxed if I had someone to talk to.’

The party was in a town house just off the main street, on the urban street that would soon transform into the rural road that led directly into the pine forest and towards the caravan park. The house was a dull as all the others in the red brick terrace. As Emma led Andy up the steps to the front door only the yellow light leaking from the side of blackout curtains give any indication that there might be activity inside.

Once inside Andy and Emma made their way to the lounge area.

‘This is more like ballroom.’ Andy was right. The black, brown, and red leather sofas had been pushed the walls, leaving plenty of room for guests to dance and mingle. ‘This is perfect for a party’, he said, sipping his vodka and cola. ‘I can see a few who might like to hone their musical skills; you could get a few clients.’

‘Yes,’ replied Emma, ‘why don’t you introduce me?’

Andy and Emma weaved around the room and in and out of conversations, all the people that Andy knew he spoke to, showing off his celebrity friend. ‘They all seem so happy to meet you,’ Andy whispered to Emma, ‘but I do get the feeling they’ve met you before. They immediately feel so at ease in your company; how do you do it?’

Emma started to laugh so hard she almost choked on her beer, ‘well, I really have never met them before! I started in show business at such a young age, I suppose it’s just something that rubbed off on me.’

‘I’m not sure about that – most of the showbiz people I’ve met are too wrapped up in their own importance!’ Said Andy.

‘Well, I suppose I don’t know why I have that effect on people,’ replied Emma. ‘Say, some of us are going to the woods to watch the midsummer dawn. Would you like to tag along?’

‘Sure,’ said Andy, standing to feel a little lightheaded. ‘It’s on my way home, so why wouldn’t I?’

            The group planning to travel to the forest seemed to have planned to meet at the party. That much became clear to Andy when he joined a large group to follow the road  winding up and into the pine forest. At around 4.00 a.m. the land is still sleepy, as part of the raucous group Andy felt as if he was performing a sacred to call the animals to begin another day of their busy summer.

The participants in the midsummer gathering made their way to a clearing close to the back fence of Andy’s house. It ran along the top of a river gorge and would give them a spectacular, breathtaking view of the rising sun.

Andy walked shakily towards the cliff edge, pausing and taking a deep breath when found sure footing among the white, chalk pebbles. He looked upon a mosaic of fields in every shade of green. The river itself was a line of purest silver meandering across its ancient floodplain.

‘I’ve always loved this spot, ever since I was a kid,’ said Andy. ‘But I had no idea there was a gathering here around the longest day. How did you find out about it?’

‘I mentioned to someone that I was going to travel around this area in the summer; I haven’t been back since the thing with Rachel. They got very excited and asked if would take part in their gathering. Of course, I said yes.’

Andy furrowed his brow as he turned to look at her, ‘no what makes you so important?’

Emma shrugged, ‘a little celebrity goes a long way; you’ll know that soon enough.’

There was a stream of people filtering out of the pines and into the clearing. As Andy scanned the faces of the crowd, he noticed that there was small, metal bridge at the centre of it all. It spanned a black hole, a pit that had been dug in the centre of the clearing. It was odd; because didn’t seem to serve a particular purpose. Then a woman wearing a red flowing skirt, wearing a brown waste-coat over a Lamplight tee shirt approached the bridge with a burning torch. As she reached the pit she paused and looked directly at Emma. Emma nodded towards the woman, giving her permission to proceed. She threw the torch into the pit.

Andy watched the flames take hold, the amber glow growing from the pit, the flames licking against the bottom of the bridge. ‘That bridge is going to get hot over those flames. Are people going to try and cross when it’s hot? I don’t want to see that.’

Emma laughed. ‘It‘s a test of faith, like they have in many religions. The people who cross will not be hurt. I hoped you would experience it with me.’

‘Why? Who are you?’

‘I thought that such an experience would give you the strength to do what you must. And to do so with a goddess of music, one who has demonstrated the power of our devotion to the world, that would show you can have complete faith in my promises.’

As the number of people in the clearing increased and the fire took hold, the group began to form a standing circle around the pit, a safe distance from the flames. The fire had risen to completely engulf the metallic gang-plank; the glint of stainless steel was completely obscure by brilliant white heat.

What do they have on that bonfire? Thought Andy. ‘I suppose that if you are prepared to enter the flames they must be safe.’ He replied to Emma, thinking of where he might be in six months. He’d certainly be prepared to apply balm for a while to make that happened; so he swallowed hard and hoped the burns wouldn’t be that serious.

‘Excellent,’ she said, ‘I just need to go and get ready.’

 Emma wasn’t the only participant who choose that moment for a costume change. It seemed that Andy would be the only one involved in the ceremony who would be wearing jeans and a tee shirt. Everyone else seemed to have a small brown bundle in front of them or in some cases just behind. They donned flowing robes that were dull in the twilight. The flames of the bonfire seemed to suck all the light from the world so they could use it to create their light, apart from the light that shone off the bone-white skulls of animals that many in the circle wore. Andy noticed a figure in white run into the flames just before the chanting began.

‘Lux vivificat! Lux vivificat!’ The figures moved around the flames, traveling a well-trodden circle. Slowly a white-robed figure began to emerge from the white-heat. He thought he knew who the figure was, but as long as she had her hood up he couldn’t be sure.

She spread out it’s hands when she stood clear of the flames, white robes untarnished by the ordeal. ‘I have been called, to join you in your celebration of life. The troubles that fill your minds and hearts occupy no more more space drop for the givers of life. Your struggles fade away in our presence, tell me your dreams and I will make them reality. Who is ready to place their faith in me?’

Every member of the circle replied, almost in unison, ‘I am ready.’ Every member except Andy.

            It was as if Emma was immediatley aware of his silence. She scanned the clearing, trying to find the person who gave no response. She produced a thin smile as she met Andy’s gaze, ‘I sense a new tortuired soul amoung us, his name is Andy. Please, come forward if you are ready to enter flames.’

Andy didn’t feel ready, but he knew what he must do if he wanted the future he dreamed. After a moment of pause he broke from the circle and started walking towards Emma. The others involved in ceremony twisted their heads in Andy’s direction but remained silent.

Emme began clapping as Andy drew close to the full heat of the flames and the gathered did likewise. Emma held out her hand, he took it.

‘Don’t be afraid.’ she whispered to him, ‘you have my power.’

She led him towards what should’ve been the white heat in of the fire. But it was just a warm breeze for Andy, almost pleasant, as if someone had just opened the door of a warm oven on cold day. The menacing flames no longer had their destructive power and Andy was happy to go where Emma left him.

It was impossible to hear anything over the roar of the flames when treading on the metallic bridge The flames tickled Andy’s face, and his long brown hair fluttered in the warm breeze. The gangway was only as warm as it should be on a warm summer evening

            Her voice was smooth and calm. In the centre of the flames he should be filled with panic, the skin and flesh should be peeling from his bones. He’d never before had the comfort he felt in that moment, never had so much confidence in another.

            ‘The sacred flames will take your problems away,’  Emma shouted to be heard over the flames, ‘because you have trusted my light, will yours be offered in service also?’

            Andy franticly nodded to indicate as agreement.

            Emma’s smile was as bright and toothy as Andy on the has seen in her band photos.

            They were cocooned in the alien safety of the inferno for only a moment longer, until Emma decided it was time to bring Andy to the relaxed safety outside of the flames, to the familiar brown earth that encircled the flaming pit.

            This was the peace that Andy needed to express his experience. Only a beat of a single drum filled the air of the clearing, ‘amazing, impossible! Do you have any other tricks?’

            Emma pouted, ‘trick? That was no trick. Our devotion was real, I thought yours might be too.’

            ‘I’m sorry, of course it is. I didn’t mean to…’

            Emma released a loud peel of laughter, ‘I’m just joking! I was honoured to show you.’

            ‘I’m glad you did, that was unforgettable experience.’

            Filled with a mixture of euphoria and relief, Andy was delighted when Emma decided to accompany him on the short walk home through the forest.

            ‘It makes me excited to think of what you could do for my career,’ said Andy, ‘I wasn’t completely sure before the ceremony, but I am now. With you in my corner I can’t fail! And you’re sure that all you want is a few recommendations?‘

‘That’s right,’ replied Emma, ‘that and the chance to have two big success in my lifetime.

‘Really? I got the impression you weren’t looking for another success.’

Emma scratched the back of her head and took a second too long to answer, ‘success for you; I just want to play a small part.’

Andy overlooked that pause, he had a career to kickstart. ‘You have such confidence in me; I hope I don’t let you down.’

‘You can’t let me down. You have all the skills we need.’

We?

The hoot of an owl rang clear through the forest.

            ‘That’s strange,’ said Andy. ‘This is the time of the dawn chorus; at this time of the year, the forest should be so filled with birdsong that it would be impossible to pick out a single call. And yet all I can hear is the hoot of an owl and the sound of the wind rustling through the trees.’

            ‘The way Mother Nature acts strangely sometimes. I don’t think she knows what she’s doing all the time.’

            Andy smiled. ‘You say that like you know her personally.’

            Emma answered as casually as she could, ‘we’ve met. Say, is that your back fence over there?’

            Andy followed her finger to the fence she was pointing at,’ ‘how did you know that?’

            ‘Well, that’s your name carved into the back door, isn’t it?’

            ‘Oh yeah, I did that when I was about 10.’

Andy closed the back door softly and the tip-toed up the stairs. The weak, but strengthening, blue light of dawn was creeping over the tops of the pine trees. He’d never worried about waking his parents after a gig or band practice, but when he flopped on his bed after coming back from meeting with Emma. He could feel the tension that had gripped his throat escaping with his long sigh of relief. This was different; he couldn’t let anyone know what he was thinking before he left the band behind. But then he looked the poster of her on

his wall, convinced that he’d found someone who could take him to where he always knew he should be.

Andy flung open the door to Emma’s trailer and stormed inside. He distractedly marched into her kitchenette, looked around to confirm that he’d walked into a corner, and then began to speak, ‘I’ve got something to tell you….’

Emma looked up from the sofa where she was tuning a banjo on her sofa, ‘Are you alright? I thought our lesson was later this afternoon.’

‘It is, but this is too important to wait that long. I don’t think I’ll be able to make tonight’s lesson.’

‘Well, that’s a shame, but you could have just phoned.’

‘I sent my demo tape out to a few A & R people just as a singer/songwriter, like you said. I just got a call from a record company to say that one of their people will come to watch me at the singer-songwriter showcase I’m playing tonight. They say they really liked my tape; I’ve got a good feeling about this one.’

‘You should. You’ve greatly improved since you started taking lessons with me.’

‘Well, that’s why I won’t be able to have a lesson tonight. If it was just a normal gig that would be fine, but now that I know for sure record company people will be in the audience I think I want longer to prepare.’

‘Yeah, sure, I can understand that. But if you want, I can go with you to the venue. A little support may help to cure those nerves.’

‘Thanks, but I think I need to do this on my own and show people that I don’t have a lot of hangers-on that would make me difficult to manage. And you’ve got a wedding band to see.’

‘What?’

‘My old band are doing weddings now; can you believe it? They’ve even renamed themselves The Turtledoves.’

‘Good for them. That kind of audience will suit them perfectly. Did you tell them they should come and see me after the show?’

‘Giving them a shot at new management was a great idea, it made the split so much easier on me.’

‘Glad I could get help; but I really do think I could do something with them.’

The next day, Andy told Emma the gig was excellent, and that he got very positive feedback from the A & R people, but it was hard to tell from the tone of his voice.

            ‘That’s great!’ She said. ‘Why do you sound so down?’

            ‘Something really weird happened to me this morning. Sometimes the I like to take my morning coffee outside. I heard a lot of crows cawing from over the back fence, and few in the sky overhead. So, I went out the back to see what commotion was. It seemed like there were hundreds of crows fighting over something, so I chased them away. It was it was a dead body, Emma, of the man who used to be the drummer in my band.’

            For a moment Emma remained expressionless, then said, ‘are you okay?’

            ‘I suppose. I was shocked to see him lying there grey, pale and drained of blood. I know this sounds crazy, but do you know anything about it?’

            ‘You’re destined to be a star, you know that. But I need to be able to draw from the less talented people close to you. Your every success needs a sacrifice.’

‘I know there must be a sacrifice; but does it have to be someone I know?’

Emma laughed, ‘of course! If I drew from a stranger you might not feel the sacrifice. Let me show you something.’

The forest was cold on that spring morning, and when they reached the ridge overlooking the gorge Andy saw that the sun wasn’t even strong enough to melt the frost on the fields.

‘My sister was pushed off from this point,’ said Emma.

‘Pushed? I thought you said she committed suicide.’

‘That is what the inquest concluded. It was sad, but when she said she would no longer make the sacrifices we required there really was only one option. I should’ve known, without me by her side she wouldn’t even go on stage. But at least it did give me the chance to show my commitment to the fire.’

Andy started to edge away from the precipice, ‘what?’

‘Did you know you were born 9 months to the day after that? So the talent went to you, it wasn’t wasted? I watched you  your whole life; the internet is a wonderful tool. You’re special, Andy, I’ve doubted that. I’d hate to have you squander that kind of talent like Rachel did. But the fire already has your commitment, so there’s no chance I would have to do something like that, is there?’

Andy swallowed hard; this was the moment when he realised that his life might depend on being world-famous.

THE END